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Learning without thought is labor lost.
July 2005
 
 
 
 
 
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Tue, Jul. 5th, 2005 10:36 pm
I wish everyone would stop staring at me, like they want to say something or offer to do something to help me.

There isn't anything you can say or anything you can do to make things better, so please just

Just don't.

Thank you.

Current Mood: blank alone

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Tue, Feb. 15th, 2005 05:23 am
You can have two!

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Mon, Dec. 6th, 2004 06:22 pm
The weeks have been simply flying by and I'm afraid that I shall miss things if I so much as blink. There are so many decisions to make concerning what path of life I should choose after leaving Hogwarts; it's a bit frightening to realise that I have to start making arrangements to be on my own. Of course, my parents have assured me that I always have a home with them but I don't think it's fair to them to return there after I've left Hogwarts. Leaving school is part of the passage into adulthood and I intend to make the journey as properly as possible.

I am thankful that Christmas break is soon upon us; I plan to make a few visits that will hopefully help to give me direction when my time at Hogwarts has come to an end in a few months. I have owled a contact in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic to arrange for a meeting; I am most interested in acquiring a position there, whether it be apprentice, trainee, or otherwise. I will also be taking stock of a few flats in various areas of London. My mother and I have been corresponding over the matter for a few weeks now. She's asked me what I'm looking for in a flat but I honestly don't know. I expect that I'll know the answer to that question when I see the flat that seems the most 'me.'

In addition to all of this and revising for N.E.W.T.s, I've been doing a bit of research as I promised certain people I would. Headway is being made, I believe, but I should like to dig a bit deeper before I take my findings to anyone. I could make commentary on what some of us happened to see on the outskirts of the forest whilst walking Fang but I shall refrain.

However, I will not refrain from letting my feelings about Sustained Silent Reading evenings be known: I will not hesitate to go above and beyond the call of duty to make certain that heinous interruptions will not occur again. I have done it once and I will not hesitate to act accordingly once more.

On another note, has anyone found a small phial with an intricate bronze stopper and detail work at the bottom? It isn't for Potions; it's a lachrymatory and I seem to have misplaced it.

Current Mood: pensive pensive

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Tue, Nov. 2nd, 2004 11:57 pm
Professor Vector, I do hope it isn't too late for me to accept your generous offer. If you are still willing, I would absolutely love to have use of your room for the Sustained Silent Reading Club. It would be most beneficial to have access to a room such as yours where there aren't any paintings that would provide interruptions.

I've been attempting to compose a letter to the Sustained Silent Reading Club's disrupter but I think I shall give up doing so. Some people - and things - simply cannot be reasoned with and I shan't devote any more of my time to an obviously lost cause. Either the knight will see the value of reading for himself or he will continue to live the rest of his painted days as a man who simply could not be enriched by reading. The latter scenario would be so sad, really.

Now that the excitement of the Ball has worn off, I have been revising my time tables and have switched around my various N.E.W.T.s drills so that I may have quality time with my best friends.

And Ron? You may remember a few weeks ago when I teasingly inferred that you were no help to me as a Head Boy? I really am terribly sorry about having said that, particularly now more than ever as you've been so very brilliant as of late and have really been a wonderful partner. I do think we need to agree on a schedule for the use of prefects' bath, don't you? I've heard complaints from some of the young prefects about the older ones hoarding time in there and that isn't very polite!

Current Mood: accomplished

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Fri, Oct. 1st, 2004 05:55 pm

I had almost forgotten how much I truly enjoy Hogwarts: A History This summer Mum gave me a Muggle historian, Herodotus, and I realised how much I would miss it if wizarding books lost all their moving diagrammes and became even more obscure and digressive than they already are.

Harry, Ron, I am not going to make you read Herodotus. However, I still believe you should brush up on your history of magic! I know you never did anything in that class for all the years we've taken it, and if we do not remember the past we're condemn'd to repeat it, remember.

Current Mood: calm calm

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Sat, Sep. 4th, 2004 08:52 pm

Don't blame me that I've been scarce, it's not my fault! I swear it's the professors' faults, all of them. Otherwise why would there be such things as N.E.W.Ts?

Meanwhile, being Head Girl is quite time-consuming. I had never quite realised what work it was to establish prefects' meetings and things, particularly at the beginning of the year, and of course Ronald is no help at all.

(I shan't be so mean to you hereafter, Ron! I swear! I'm not angry, just poking fun.)

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Mon, Aug. 2nd, 2004 09:23 am

Well!

Current Mood: well.

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Sat, Jul. 17th, 2004 11:24 pm

The summer continues fine.

I don't speak to anyone anymore. I sit in my room and I have this journal under a pile of books at the bottom of my bookcase and take it out when I'm in a good mood or when it gets too noisy. That hasn't been much lately, either the noise or the moods.

Harry, I miss you. I wish I could do something to get you out of the Dursleys. I wish you would ring from Sirius' like you will for Ginny I could somehow get you out, but I can't. I can't do anything for anyone else either. After last summer it's such a letdown, and my room is full of Muggle books Mum bought for me over the year, because she wants me to "read broadly" which means "read things that don't make me miss Hogwarts."

I'm glad that Sirius has been set free of course, but it doesn't seem to shake this deep blue funk. I mean I'm glad, and I want to see him, but it's remote. I don't think I'll be so glad until after I've shook whatever mood I've been in and I don't know when that will be. Maybe after we're at Hogwarts again.

Parvati, Padma, when are we going to go on our shopping excursion?

I think I'm done now.

Current Mood: no happier

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Tue, Jun. 29th, 2004 12:07 am
Well, I'm back at home.

I had forgotten how much I liked refined sugar until today, really.

Current Mood: bored bored

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Tue, Jun. 22nd, 2004 07:56 am

One of the most disconcerting things about being Hermione Granger is: you say something, and suddenly the world moves. Which might be a good thing, I suppose, if you really like to feel like you're powerful and doing things and going places, but I'm frightened of it to be honest.

I know things - like that an apse is part of a church - and sometimes, knowing, I make connexions, and even when they're good and necessary and important I feel very strange that I'm not really part of what's going on, I can't leave the school, I'm a horrible dueler and can only take care of myself when it isn't the highest of stakes.

And it's always the highest of stakes now, isn't it?

I'm feeling rather pathetic, though I haven't the slightest reason to. I know I'm being terribly self-indulgent by whining like this and I probably shouldn't be writing this now; don't mind me.

Current Mood: indescribable

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Fri, Jun. 18th, 2004 09:14 am
I have to go down to classes today - yet - this morning I came downstairs and Harry was stretched out on a sofa and looked so peaceful.

And I knew it wasn't really so.

We have to get Sirius out of there, Ron, Harry, for everyone's sake. I don't even know what Remus is doing but it sounds dangerous.

Current Mood: gloomy gloomy

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Tue, May. 18th, 2004 10:02 pm

I do think it's ridiculous that just when I brush up on my Latin, it becomes useless.

Ah well. Laudabo, laudabis, laudabit, laudabimus, laudabitis, laudabunt - Laudabo anyone who can help Ron, I suppose, since this is one thing I haven't been studing for aeons.

I helped some people out with Transfigurations today; it felt good. I've been rather self-absorbed lately. Perhaps I should do something useful, not to the world in general but just for other Hogwarts students. Stop me if I sound too much like Hannah Abbott, but if any of you would like tutoring, I imagine I could help, since I haven't been in detention with Professor Snape so much of late.

I must say I miss those detentions. They changed my outlook a great deal and were most edifying. However, I should not post such things unless I wish to receive more detention, I gather, so I shall be quiet now.

Current Mood: busy

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Wed, May. 12th, 2004 07:54 pm

There is no such thing.

There is no such thing.

It simply isn't logical.

Current Mood: blank blank

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Sat, May. 8th, 2004 08:42 am

I wish, somehow, that I could erase every person in Hogwarts' memory of me and replace it with myself as I am now, a person fundamentally different than the first-year they met so long ago. In some cases they would still like me, I think, and in other cases more, and in other cases less, but in any case then I could convince some people of my humanity and un-cowness.

Or, actually, I couldn't, so perhaps it was a bad idea from the start.

Padma and I have a great deal to say to each other, but I fear she won't say it to me, since I've been terrible to her. Harry, of course, is just going on as always, but "just going on" means something rather different than it used to; things are awkward, though not bad per se. And Ron - well, I hope what Blaise is saying isn't true, and I don't think it is, but that makes things strange and difficult. Although I'm getting on better with Lavender and Parvati lately we aren't really best chums, and Justin has Terry, and all in all there's nobody for Hermione to be around but her books. Which is all right, I imagine, perhaps.

Current Mood: weird weird

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Sun, May. 2nd, 2004 09:25 am

Well, that was an interesting conversation.

I think perhaps these things are best left to fiction. There is absolutely no place for such idiocy in real life.

At least I won't feel so ridiculously guilty about writing to Viktor anymore.

Current Mood: indescribable

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Thu, Apr. 22nd, 2004 08:46 pm

In the wake of Dean's death (it's so strange to type that word, but it's true; I can't say it any other way) the entire castle seems to have come together. I don't mean in the small ways we have in the past, but in general. Padma was talking to me earlier about some things that I never thought would happen, and Ron of course is taking over the organization of Dumbledore's Army. I'm very thankful we don't have to use my coins anymore, although I do miss them a little - it was a neat piece of charmwork, if I do say so myself.

Oddly enough, though, we still pay lip service to our divisions. Funny, that. I mean, I don't talk to people even though I know I could and I feel closer to them than I ever have before, not on a regular basis anyway. I should make the effort, but it's difficult to change, and I simply can't be bothered sometimes, which sounds horrible but it's true.

There are a lot of things that are true that I don't like to say aloud, lately, although I'm not feeling particularly bad about the world at the moment (that's another of them: I should be able to say that I'm feeling terrible still, but my grief just doesn't come out that way).

Current Mood: drained drained

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Sat, Apr. 17th, 2004 09:50 pm

The younger students are mostly in bed or near bed now so I finally have a moment.

I wish I could say things like "I can't believe Dean's gone" and "I'm so so sorry" and "I'm going to miss him." They're all true. But there's too much to do now. I think I know how Padma feels. Or how Ron feels, for that matter.

I really need to talk to Harry, but I can't find him. I think there's a lot of things I want to say. Everything seems more insignificant, I guess, than it did yesterday. At least my hands have stopped shaking and I'm able to get down to business again. I'm bad in panic situations; I'm worse when I don't know what's going on; now, at least, there's an enemy with a form and a victim with a face.

But I'm going to miss him. Am I ever going to miss him.

Current Mood: blank blank

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Mon, Apr. 12th, 2004 09:17 am

Harry, where are you? Where were you at breakfast? Why is your room locked?

Are you angry with me?

Current Mood: fearful

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Fri, Mar. 5th, 2004 02:18 pm

I still don't understand most of what's been going on.

I thought that would be worthwhile to say, because people seem to be asking me things: "Hermione, why's Harry being so odd?" "Hermione, where's Ron? I need to talk to him." "Hermione, can you translate this spell for me? I can't remember what it does and you're so much better at Latin that I thought..." and most of all "Hermione, what's wrong with Professor - er, Mr. - Lupin?"

How should I know? And if I did know, why would I tell you anyway?

I'm just frustrated because there's nothing in the Hogwarts library that's helping and better minds than mine aren't figuring things out either. And we haven't heard anything for so long. But what's a journal for, if not this?

Current Mood: curious curious

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Thu, Feb. 12th, 2004 05:43 pm

As you may see, I labelled this entry "#2" because it's really the second proper entry I've made into my journal. Of course I've written other things elsewhere, and made small notes, but this is quite different: it's a real description of my life.

So, here it is:

I have had detention with Professor Snape all this week. I thought, at first, that it was going to be a chore. However, as time has progressed I've found myself learning a great many things. He was right in that I don't need textbooks to brew potions -- even if they do make things easier! Speaking of Potions class, I've figured out a new idea that might help Neville learn to brew things more efficaciously, and we've been working on it in our spare time. Not much progress has been made yet, but I do have high hopes.

On other fronts, Justin has been acting most oddly. I've talked with him about it once or twice but he always evades me on the specifics, which is actually very like him, so I'm not terribly worried. Harry is Harry, as always, and Ron is Ron, although they both simply don't understand why I still think S.P.E.W. is important, even after the example that we had last year. I don't understand why "friendly teasing" is so friendly, but I do try to put up with it.

My revision for the N.E.W.T.s is progressing apace. In fact, in certain arenas I'm even ahead. For instance, my knowledge of Latin has greatly improved in the past few weeks! Also, I've been doing a bit of light reading in the area of magical theory, which should serve me well on all the exams. I finally did get through all of Adalbert Waffling's treatises and they were excellent! If anyone would like me to lend them a copy, I'd be more than happy to, though of course the library has all the books as well.

I think that's everything!

Current Mood: productive

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Mon, Feb. 2nd, 2004 09:07 pm

I'm so sorry. I wasn't laughing at you. I didn't intend you to take it that way. I was just so happy and relieved and I didn't know how to react, so I said the first thing that came to my head, which obviously wasn't the right thing.

I just wish you'd say something.

Current Mood: sorry

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Fri, Jan. 30th, 2004 09:29 am

This was not supposed to happen again. Not like this.

For all everyone said Percy was a good person trying to do his best. Life is even less fair than I thought, then.

Current Mood: grieving

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Sat, Jan. 10th, 2004 10:57 am

I've searched and searched for the perfect way to open this journal; I feel as though it should be momentous and serious and at the same time beautiful and personal. After all, a journal is all of these things at once. But after reading a variety of journals, both magical and Muggle, I'm startled to see that they all begin in a very mundane way. So perhaps that's the best course of action to take (and in fact I have taken it): a mundane, everyday entry from which to build the more important ones.

Recently there have been Muggle deaths that seem attributable to You-Know-Who. I haven't much to say about them - I'm worried, of course, but it isn't unexpected to anyone who's been halfway following the news. Of course I get the Guardian here in addition to the Daily Prophet so I'm always up on the Muggle news (my parents post it to me once a week) and there's not much about what's happened in there.

Harry and Ron of course don't want to do this assignment. I think it's a very good idea. The historical value of these journals will be absolutely amazing! Just think of how in-depth Hogwarts: A History could have been if they'd had these sorts of journals in the Founders' times!

In any case, I'm off to the library now to do some revising for Arithmancy. I'll see you there, Ginny, if you're following your timetables!

Current Mood: studious

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Wed, Dec. 31st, 2003 04:38 pm
This is a rather clever thing, isn't it?

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